Reflecting on Men’s mental struggles: a deep dive into why stigma exists.

Social stigma:

"The disapproval of an individual or group based on perceived characteristics that serve to distinguish them from other members of a society."

What is it that makes a man, a man? Is it the ability to hunt, supply and feed? Is it a way of life that centres around being emotionally void, never giving up ground to the armies of cortisol that so desperately try to conquer our fleeting levels of serotonin? Or is it living your life by that age-old, tried-and-tested motto; “boys don’t cry.” As millions of men around the world take part in the ‘Movember’ charity fundraiser this month, I think we should talk about why this event needs to be acknowledged by everyone.

Going through early life in a working class, industrial and mostly white-populated town, I was taught that all the above masculine ‘qualities’ were the guidelines to my existence. An archaic, out-dated, and misogynistic way of life was instilled into me since the day I was born, through no fault of any singular person, but as a biproduct of the society that raised me and so many others my age.

And the biggest thing that I learned as a child was that my thoughts and feelings were unimportant. The lack of emotional support for people my age has led to several shocking and saddening statistics:

• Three times as many men than women committed suicide last year, making it the biggest killer of men under fifty.
• Men are far less likely to seek help from a psychological therapist than women.
• Men are twice as likely to sleep rough or go missing.
• Men are more likely to become dependent on alcohol and/or drugs.

As sickening as it is this is the reality of the social stigma surrounding men’s mental health.

But what is the stigma, and how has it manifested? Well, a stigma does not have to be blatantly written or said – and in the case of men’s mental health, it certainly is not. No one is outwardly telling people that men do not cry and that we are built to be emotionless. To be honest, it is the opposite. We are currently living in the golden age of men’s mental welfare, with us gents being encouraged to speak up about our struggles for the first-time in... well, forever.

And yet, in these times of help and the ability to be heard, the suicide, depression and anxiety rates in men are as high as ever. Why? Well, our society functions through ‘norms’ and ‘expectations’. ‘Norms’ are what are socially accepted and recognised as being suitable and proper behaviour around others - for example being good at conversation, saying “bless you” when someone sneezes, or even holding a door for the next person. Whilst venturing outside of these norms can make you feel judged or even looked down upon, breaking the ‘expectations’ that we are given can be truly damaging.

Women have faced certain expectations for years, and we have seen the adverse effects that telling somebody how to look, dress and eat can have on all women – not just supermodels. And as a society, we have overcome these issues and are slowly working towards abolishing the pressure on women to appear in an exact way. Unfortunately, this same attention has not been paid to the men of the world and their mental health. It is in this way that the stigma towards male health has been able to continue to manifest and grow, slowly turning the boys who don’t cry into men that can’t feel.

And whilst it would easy for me to say that these feelings only exist due to a childhood of being told not to be overtly emotional, unfortunately they still occur today. Around two weeks ago I sadly attended the funeral of my late Nan and was told by others there to “keep a stiff upper lip” and that I had to “contain myself.” Now I absolutely don’t blame these people, as they were born into a world that expects this of men – however, their generation know not how much damage they can cause. The idea that I, a twenty-year-old male, am expected not to show any emotion, is the cornerstone as to why men’s mental health is forever on a decline – despite the encouragement to ‘talk up’, men are still subconsciously – and actively reminded – that the expectation upon us is to be the strong, the unphased, the resolute.

And I, for one, can only thank those who I have surrounded myself with. Because without the help of others, I – like so many men my age – would have most probably been just another statistic.

Don’t be ashamed, lads. Speak up. You matter.