How to Live With Death.

“I think you should take yourself away for a minute, you might want to sit down.”

They say that some moments can define you, make you who you are and decide what will come your way in the next steps of your life. For me, one moment will forever circle around my head, like a motorbike in a cage. It continues to keep its stranglehold on me, leaving me wondering how different life could have been had it not been spoken.

Loss is natural. Loss is expected. Loss comes to us all, whether young or old. This, however, does not make loss easy. We all must pick up and move on, yet sometimes we can’t shift the weights of memories that fill our hearts and stop our momentum. The five stages of grief are a guideline to how we are expected to deal with the parting of ways with our loved ones, however it is never as simple as “I’m on stage 3.” Dealing with loss is a long, winding path, which is unafraid to double back on itself and drop you right back where you started. It can often feel like you’re just moving backwards, with the world keeping you from truly letting go and experiencing freedom from the chokehold of death.

It can be difficult to believe that a loved one has passed. Your denial and anger will lead you down a path that some may consider to be ‘off the rails.’ This, however, is not the case. You are perfectly healthy and normal, and this is a consequence of coming to terms with the new world around you.

After recent events in my personal life, I’ve discovered that grief can affect a person in strange and unexpected ways. It is, in my opinion, comparable to the break-up between two partners. The love is still there, and you want to hold out your arms and see them come running back through the door to embrace you. You even think about just texting them, or knocking their front door, because they are so close yet so far out of reach. However, there is one difference. If you text, the message stays unanswered. If you knock the door, it remains closed. It is not for a while until you begin to understand the reality of truly not sharing the earth around you with the person that you once held dear. Your head won't believe it, your ears won’t hear it... but eventually, deep down, your heart will feel it. And it is when we feel this that we can begin to process loss.

So, in summary, it is a case of overcoming your own mind to be able to live with death. You must believe what you have been told, and process it in a safe and secure manner, surrounded by the ones that you hold dear and potentially share this pain with you. Most importantly, however, you must do this in your own time. It is not a time-constrained part of life that I can suggest a frame of either days or weeks for. You must take your time and understand that whilst you stand with one less figure beside you, you do not stand alone.

We will not forget those who have passed us by, but it is to continue with living that truly honours those who no longer walk with us.

Matt.